Stage two of the wrapping up process involves adding a coat of render, sometimes known as pebbledash, outside of the insulation to make the house look clean and new as well as giving it lasting protection against the elements. This is a messy process and since we still need to see through the windows these are covered with some protective blue plastic which can be peeled off later.
The effect of this on us inside the house is quite strange. It changes our skin colour and makes us look ill.
Two layers of render are trowelled on and before the second coat is dry, handfuls of small stones are thrown at it, most of which embed themselves and stick on to leave a rough, external surface. Unsurprisingly this process ends up with the ground all around the house looking like a shingle beach but the net effect on the walls is another change of colour, very pleasing to the eye. We feel sorry for the two guys doing this work while wind and rain lash down on them in varying amounts but they don't complain.
Our garden becomes a workplace for cutting some new window cills, whilst clonking noises from around the house suggests there are other bits being finished off. In all it is a full week during which we have confined ourselves inside our blue tinted house.
But we are not idle. Not daring to venture outside with handfuls of stones being thrown about and scaffolding bars to bash our heads on we decide to tackle the kitchen ceiling, the first stage in a planned full-on revamp. We begin by attaching a narrow aluminium shelf to the walls around the perimeter some twenty centimetres below the existing ceiling. This has to be perfectly level, even though the ceiling itself is decidedly not, as it supports aluminium runners which stretch from one end of the room to the other, spaced at precise intervals, and then cross pieces which go from side to side. Further support comes from wires suspended from brackets screwed into the ceiling.
All this is done carefully with precise measuring as the grid of squares supports shiny new panels, three of which provide bright white light once they are connected up.
This whole process takes three full days, at the end of which we have achieved a remarkable transformation. We can hardly believe our eyes. The light panels are so bright that even the blue light coming through the window is overcome. We have hidden a messy uneven ceiling with a smooth, clean structure suspended below it. Stage one of the kitchen master plan is complete.
And no sooner is this done when suddenly the blue plastic is peeled away (it has done its job) so daylight once again floods in. We now have insulated and watertight walls such as the house has never seen before. There's just one further job to do now. We have insulation above us in the roof and around us outside the walls but beneath the house there is a well ventilated space with only our carpets to stop the cold air coming up from below. To cure this we need insulation, more of it, and this is the final part of the plan.
It seems everything must happen in one busy week as no sooner are the walls done when another van stops outside, this one being full of mineral fibre which is unrolled then pinned up from below to the underside of our floors, held in place by netting. It is not a pleasant job - we feel sorry for the two men working on this - but it takes only a few hours and they are done. Finally we have a cozy house.
Surely nothing else can happen to enhance our lives in this one hectic week. Or so we thought...
It is four months now since we used up the
last whiff of gas from the tank in the front garden. Since then we have been keen to have the rusty old thing removed, a service only the gas supplier can provide.
This week it happened and it has been captured on video as The Flying Tank.
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