The Next Project

I like a good project, although I must stress here that I am not using this word as an American might use it, to describe something we would call a 'job'. For me a 'project' is something bigger, more complex, and which involves multiple skills and a mix of different resources. Perhaps a better title for this one might be the 'Last Project' because on this occasion we are going to decorate the only room in the house that we have yet to tackle. It is small, thankfully, indeed it is the smallest room in our house (which means that it is rather difficult to photograph).

We refer to this room as the 'En Suite' since it is only accessible from one of our bedrooms but despite it being a feature of that room it remained untouched when we re-papered and carpeted the room itself.

So here is the 'before' picture, taken just before I turned off the water supply to the house so that I could fit shut-off valves to the pipes that feed some of  the plumbing bits, these being things that were to be replaced. Failure to do this would have resulted in water spraying everywhere so it seemed like a good idea. The plan was to change both the toilet and the sink so without any further delay, they are ripped out.

Why are we doing this, you might ask. In all honesty it comes down to the weather which has been exceptionally wet of late, an unpredictable mixture of sunshine and rain that makes outdoor projects unpleasant. Then there were the tiny beetles we saw flying about which made us think 'woodworm'. And indeed there was some slight evidence beneath the toilet of the tiny holes made by these insects when they transition from worm to flight mode and emerge into daylight. But thankfully nothing too serious.

So having made the decision and having begun the ripping apart, next comes the covering up phase, the ceiling, walls and the floor.

Painting a room, in my view, should start at the top, the ceiling, so this gets a new coat of paint after sanding off some of the uneven lumps and bumps. The room is a confined space so once the toilet and sink have gone things become a little easier and balancing on a set of steps is less fraught with danger. We need to make some decisions about the walls, what will best cover up their unevenness and will breathe new life into the tiny room but I have some leftover flooring from our kitchen project, easily enough to cover this tiny space, so I get down on my knees and start laying the stuff.

Buying big things like a new toilet and a sink/vanity unit has to be done 'sight unseen' as we live many miles away from the nearest store and even if we did fancy a day in Glasgow to look at toilets, many places do not carry much stock in store. So we are forced into online shopping, a process that restricts us to the limited number of suppliers who do not add on ridiculously high delivery charges for large items. When the first large box arrives, a small basin and the cabinet it will sit on, it is carried up to the house by the postman (sorry mate) and we stagger inside with it, anxious to see inside.

We rapidly unpack and are quite pleased with what we have bought unseen although it does require a little modification. It needs chunks cut out of the rear, so that the water and waste pipes can be connected,  these coming up through the floor from beneath the house. Any refurbishment project will almost certainly have problems that need to be solved, things that have to be worked out to make things fit or look nice. And then there is always an ideal sequence of tasks that must be followed to avoid fitting something then having to take it all apart again. I do not pretend to be an expert so I have a mighty feeling of relief when the plumbing is reconnected and the water turned on again with no leaks showing up.

Next comes the walls, probably the most important part of the room visually. Having decided upon wallpaper we order a couple of rolls then we agree that a line of white tiles (again leftover from our kitchen project) would look nice around the base of the walls. Our local hardware shop provides some tile adhesive, in tubes, which must have been on their shelves for ages as it was impossible to squeeze anything out without slicing the top off of the tube. But it did the job and this enables us to tick something else off the job list.

The project then goes on pause whilst we await the next exciting delivery package, a new toilet. Fitting this will be something of a challenge for me - it is a job I have always previously left to the plumbers and avoided doing myself for fear that mistakes can be rather smelly. But then we get a message saying that the toilet was delivered yesterday... except it wasn't. This leads to a frustrating sequence of exchanges through the supplier's 'chat' feature as we try to establish where it has gone and wonder whether it is sitting on someone else's doorstep, perhaps blocking their exit from home. But no, it turns out that the message was wrong and should not have been sent so we sit back and wait. Such complications are simply a factor of the world of instant communication that we live in and the confusion this can lead to when a wrong button is pressed resulting in the wrong message going out. How did we manage before internet based trading became the order of the day and communication with chatbots became an everyday experience.

But all this is forgotten as the wallpaper has finally arrived. We have chosen a 'Beach Hut' look and the paper has some rather nice glittery bits to add a touch of glamour when someone is using the loo. And the nice thing about this paper is that it does not require any pattern matching, the joins just disappear into the randomness of the fake wooden strips.

Sticking this onto the wall takes only a few hours but these are somewhat stressful as inevitably one is working to a timeline when putting up wallpaper. Once the paste is mixed then the clock starts ticking as the adhesive setting process has begun and each second that passes the paste will get thicker. However in this case we think the stress is justified and the transformation of our smallest room is just what we hoped for. One more job is ticked off the project list. Now we just need that toilet to arrive, as if by magic, on our doorstep.

And then it does. Just like that, without any warning and carried up the steps to our house by another muscle-bound delivery driver.  Which just leaves, of course, the small matter of fitting it and connecting it up so water can flow in and out as nature intended. This is a first for me, and perhaps also a last, so I start by reading the instructions thoroughly. These soon lead me to the conclusion that they do not accurately show how all the various bits fit inside the cistern because what we have bought is smaller than the manual assumes it is. So can I change things around and fit them differently and if so, will it still work?

I soon realise that there is a very precise sequence in which everything has to be fitted and connected up as access to the rear of the toilet is limited and the watertight seal between the cistern and the toilet underneath must be perfect as mistakes cannot be rectified later. There is nothing in the instructions that explains this. It is a 'work it out for yourself' thing. I have an additional problem to deal with as the water supply has to be fed from right to left behind the toilet which means bonus bits of pipework, again not something the manual deals with. Somehow or other the job gets done and once again there is an immense sense of satisfaction that comes when there are no leaks... from anywhere. So does it work? The first flush takes place and everything seems to go rather well. Water slushes away (somewhere) and more water gushes in ready for another go. I think we can call that job done.

All that remains is the project video. Enjoy.